My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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