Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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