laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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