when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
