All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
