thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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