like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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