apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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