When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
