I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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