you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
