Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
