Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
