she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
