Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
