yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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