you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
