So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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