I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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