I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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