Buhtt sex?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
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Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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