I got chris browned last night
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
