Yo dont text me then not text me
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
