life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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