I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize