So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
