I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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