We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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