mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
