Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
