I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
