And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
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I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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