I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
