have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
