So drunk its hurt
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
