I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
