the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
