we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We left an ass print on the piano.
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Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
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She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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