I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
