It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
People in love make me want to vomit
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
