I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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