My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
