The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
