I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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