At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
time to smoke my breakfast
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
