I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
someone threw a dead crab at me
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
