I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
