i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
