you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
