the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
