Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
