I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
