WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
