handjob tips. give me some.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
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Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
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xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So much Jack, so little girl.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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