I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Randomize
