I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
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Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
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Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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