Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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