she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
