I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
where am i from again
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The uberlube is also flammable
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
