After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
