I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
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I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
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Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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