I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
