We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
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I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
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Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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