I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
