highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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