Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
