I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Two words: blizzard sex
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
