Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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