ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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