Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
