Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
